Today’s one of those days…

Today’s one of those days.  I feel so happy and optimistic. I feel like my heart could burst out of my chest. Life’s great, I have lots of friends and so much to look forward to.  I wanna go on an adventure right now. I’m so glad I didn’t give up last week because if I would’ve, I wouldn’t have gotten to be this happy. Thank god I braved through that rough week. I feel like the embodiment of the happiest picture in the liveliest filter. Things have never been better.  I feel such genuine happiness. I can’t even imagine being unhappy again.  How can someone feel sad after all this optimism and hope?  I’m always gonna be okay.  I don’t even have to fake being this happy.  I really wanna treat myself to nice things. Maybe get that crop top that I’ve always wanted or eat in that expensive restaurant in the next street. The voices in my head are crazy, they keep telling to go travel the world with my friends and live my life to the fullest. I just spent the morning painting and dancing alone in my underwear. I feel so free and boundary less. I never want his to stop…

Today’s one of those days. I feel so depressed and suicidal. I feel like I can’t even breathe properly because that’s how heavy my heart is. Life sucks, I have no one and nothing to look forward to. I just wanna lie in bed all day and cease to exist. Why didn’t I just give up last week? I wouldn’t have had to feel this horrible now. I wish I had just given up. I feel like a depressed image in the most grayscale-esque filter. Things would’ve been so easy. I feel nothing but sadness. I can’t even imagine being happy ever again. How can someone just get over being this sad and hopeless? I’m never gonna get out of this. I can’t even fake being okay anymore.  I want to do dangerous things to myself. I wanna cut my skin. The voices in my head won’t shut up. I just spent a majority of my morning crying and pulling my hair holed up in the darkest corner of my room. I feel so trapped and claustrophobic.  I just want it to stop. The pain, the sadness, everything…


This post is a child of my (poles apart) thoughts that consume me. 

It’s really easy to trigger the depressed thoughts inside of me but the happy ones take too long to happen and are short lived (in a way, i think you could call them shy lol). If only being happy was as easy as being sad… :/

 

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